You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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