It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
