my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
should my penis look like a turkey
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
