Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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