I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
