I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
