sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
