Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
