ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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