he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
