party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
