Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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