Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
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I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
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I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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