Can i not drive my cunt home
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She's the barista slut.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
