it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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