did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
