9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
