you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
