ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
