So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
