When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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