I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
