You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
