Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
