i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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