Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Your cock deserves a montage
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
