sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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