I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
