before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
why does every cop we meet know your name?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
