The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It's official drugs can't kill me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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