yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
