His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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