I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
should my penis look like a turkey
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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