Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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