so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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