god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
