I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
