I'm going to jail i love you
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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