therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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