So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
that is very illegal...i love you.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
