Dude my mom stole all your condoms
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
