Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
