I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
