man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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