My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
