C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
