My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
