i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
