he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
