So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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