my vag is so smooth its legendary
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
