He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
