I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Randomize
