Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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