Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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