I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
