Nicole vs. Life
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
