its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
