Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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