and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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