Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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