I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
