i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
