I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize