A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
