I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize