how can u be prego again
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you never un-have a 4some
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize