the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
