Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
