i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
