im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
