420 ftw
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
