I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
