i was born a porn star she said
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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