I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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